more than just another bike blog

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

the way we were

I found another photo today. It scared me. As I write this, I still haven't decided if I'll post it -- it may come back to haunt me.

Dateline: May 22nd, 2005 -- almost five weeks after my second surgery, which was complicated by a terrible infection. Scarier still, almost five months off the bike (since my first surgery) except very short rides and some skills coaching. Needless to say, I was not at the top of my game. I wasn't on my game at all. It took every ounce of courage to ride all the way to Woodside (a whopping 15 miles). I think I stopped four times. If it wasn't for a random club member who rode with me, I wouldn't have made it. I knew I couldn't make it home again, so I headed down the hill to RWC and took the train.

But, it was one of the best rides of my life. I knew I'd be back. I knew I had a long road ahead of me. And I knew it would be hard, and frustrating, and that no one could truly understand what I was going through. But I knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel (I just couldn't see it yet).

I'm not sure why I let someone take a photo of me that day. I think I wanted a photo of my pretty new white & pink Trek. Since I've been fat, I hate seeing photos of me, so I don't usually let folks take them.

Of course, that wasn't always true. I used to be a real flirt with the lens. Here's another shot I just found on a disk from 2002. I wanted to find something to compare since I can't seem to find many photos from me that year. Bet you have to look twice or maybe even three times to pick me out.

I know everyone thinks I'm obsessed with my weight -- I am. In less than three years, I ballooned from 144 to almost 190 pounds. I rode my bike 15-20 hours a week. I ate right. No one knew what was wrong with me. I thought I was crazy.

Dateline: November 21st, 2006 -- I'm obsessed with losing that last 15 pounds. I want to climb hills like a climber. I'm sick of getting dropped in road races. I want to have goals and know that I've got a chance in hell at achieving them. I want to like myself again.

So, back to the food journal and the caloric deficits. It's working. I'm down 1/2 a pound a day (good, safe weightloss) for a total of three pounds last week. I can see my hip bones for the first time in four years. My goal is 140 by the end of February. I think it's realistic. I believe it will happen. I will climb hills with the skinny little girls again!


At 11/22/2006 5:38 AM, Blogger Flandria said...

1/2 lb a day??? that is a lot! take it easy, you will get there!

At 11/22/2006 5:57 AM, Blogger Nrjetik1 said...

You are so lucky to have your health and be able to push your body like you do. I'm sure you'll hit your goal weight as you are so focused and are young. Obviously you have so much to give to the sport whether or not you are 15 lbs.lighter :)

At 11/22/2006 8:29 AM, Blogger lauren said...

i'm so glad you're healthy. i missed you when you weren't riding during your surgery's.

some of my favorite rides were those mtn bike rides that you and i used to do in the evenings last year. i could hear you giggling in the trees the whole time.

you're a big inspiration to me, whether your 40lbs, 20lbs or 15lbs off your goal.

it's you who's helped get me so involved in this sport - and i'm very thankful to you!

At 11/22/2006 8:46 AM, Blogger Olaf Vanderhoot said...

though hotness comes from the inside, it's nice to have a pretty package sometimes, too.

good luck with the re-model and hope the journey is a good one.


At 11/22/2006 9:21 AM, Blogger velogirl said...

I miss my pretty package. It's challenging to "feel" hot when you can't stand the way you look. I'm definitley on the way back and that's good.

Flandria -- 1/2 pound a day is perfectly safe, slow, and controlled.

Nancy and Lauren -- thank you!

At 11/22/2006 10:51 AM, Blogger trac said...

You go, girl! It is great to read such a story of true motivation - Thanks for sharing. This experience will give you inner strength that others out there won't have - you're gonna fly!

At 11/22/2006 2:09 PM, Blogger marscat said...

and watch out for those not so skinny big women who can kick the skinny little women on climbs again and again!

there's a lot o them out there too.

At 11/22/2006 4:41 PM, Blogger Erein said...

I'm with you there. :) I'm journaling, and keeping track of calories and going to spin class. I am going to have a great 2007 season.

At 11/22/2006 7:03 PM, Blogger X Bunny said...

we're all going to like you the same no matter how you look

well, unless you start dressing like peewee herman or something

and i'm tired of getting dropped in road races, too

At 11/29/2006 2:52 PM, Blogger jAndy donka-donk said...

So after all is said and done....

Do you get to keep the breasts?

Or do you have to give those back too, 1/2 lb a day?

Secret between you and me and the rest of the world. I topped out at 250lbs a little over 4 years ago. But the mirror will never be my friend again, and I didnt get to keep the breasts....

At 11/30/2006 9:25 AM, Blogger velogirl said...

Do I get to keep the breasts? I wish I had breasts. I guess I've got more than when I was skinny, but......well, they're not gone yet. Maybe I'll get lucky.


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