I SUCK AND I HATE MYSELF!!!

Argh! I pre-rode the XC course at Infineon today. It's essentially the same course as last year. I remember not liking the course last year, but since it was my very first mountain bike race ever, I didn't have anything to compare it to.

Well, I still hate it!

What a demoralizing experience. I felt like a poser -- like I didn't know how to ride a mtn bike and I didn't have the legs to climb half the course. I guess it didn't help that I'm still not recovered from the Death Ride and still struggling with dehydration.

Did I mention that I hate myself right now?

As I was riding, I decided I wouldn't race on Saturday. Of course, as I drove home and had dinner, I'm kinda changing my mind. It doesn't make sense to race if my legs are dead though.

Highlight of the day: Barry Wicks is riding behind me on the single track and says something like "I think I'll swing by on your right if that's okay." If that's okay? What a nice, polite guy. Of course, I recognized his unique voice behind me immediately. The pros are usually pretty cool, it's the freds that are total jerks. Not five minutes later, I'm climbing the fire road from hell and some old, fat hairy-legged dude who smells like cheap cologne rides up to me and makes some comment about speed. I honestly can't tell if he's hitting on me or insulting me. He says he's a "rookie" -- this will be his 3rd race. I ask him if he's trying to make friends or enemies (since it felt like he was insulting me).



So, near the end of the course, the local ABC affiliate is set up with a camera crew. The XC and Super-D courses merge, which means only one thing: Y-I-K-E-S!!! Apparently the XC course was supposed to go down the fire road and some yahoo thought it would be more fun to descend the Super-D course, with two steep drops and a bunch of bermy off-camber stuff. I stand at the top, knowing I feel crappy and totally without confidence, hoping some folks will go by so I can watch them. A group of guys from WTB are hanging out too, one of them with a helmet cam. Then all the lovely pro Bellas go by. And then one of the guys who works at the bike shop with me. Anyways, at this point I've decided there's no way I'm riding that drop with all these folks around so I turn back, head around the tape and start down the fire road. About half-way down there's one more Bella (the new one from Oklahoma, soon to be Idaho, she said, I can't remember her name). She askes me if this is a joke (riding the Super-D course). We chat, she gives me a little pep talk and off we go. Thank you, Bella, whoever you are!

Anyways, I feel a little better getting this out of my system. Still not sure I'll race on Saturday. Tomorrow is a clinic with Marla and Allison so I'll get to check it all out again and maybe get a little mojo from the big girls.



Please, God, let me have my legs back!!!