why boys will be boys (and girls just aren't)

Little-known fact -- my MBA is in gender relations. Really, it is. You know, exploring how men and women are different and how we can still work together even though we communicate, learn, lead, blah, blah, blah differently. But, I learned a little something about boys tonight that I never learned in business school (get your filthy minds out of the gutter, all of you!).

Julie and I headed out for a walk/pull. We were going over to the high school playing field where she likes to run around off leash. Unfortunately, there were about 200 little boys in football gear practicing their manly sport. The boys were separated into teams of about 10 each, with 3 or 4 adult men working with each team. I hear a crazy-man voice, almost like someone with tourettes, and my attention is drawn to the pod of boys closest to me.

"You don't get it!"

"How can you be so stupid!"

"If you're not tough, you're not anything!"

"Don't be a bunch of losers!"

I was pretty disturbed by what I heard. If I'd been a little boy, I probably would've cried. How did I ever miss out on this ritual of boyhood? Although they didn't let me play football (I tried -- no girls), I spent hours sitting on the side of the field watching all my little boy friends train and compete. Did I hear things like this but block them from my memory? Or did it just not occur to me that it was wrong? Or maybe in upstate NY all the football coaches were nice?

I feel like I was given an insight into why men behave the way they do. If 8 year-olds are taught to be tough and be filled with anger/violence, I have to assume that this behavior is just magnified, rewarded, and reinforced throughout their adolescent and young adult years. It's not until adulthood that the rare few men realize this isn't the only way to win friends and influence people (and to get laid).

Tough = Winner

Weak = Loser

Anger = Power

Agression = Leadership

Contrast that with my experience this afternoon. I spent the entire day with a group of 20 inner-city girls from Oakland, riding mountain bikes at China Camp with Trips for Kids. Most of these girls had never been in the woods and most had never mountain biked either. These girls were tough, no doubt, but they weren't afraid to say they were scared of the downhills or that the uphills were hard. They were very honest with each other and with the adults in the group. They allowed themselves to be vulnerable and were able to empathize with each other about this new experience. At the end of the day, TFK has a "cookie circle," where each girl gets a cookie, shares something she really liked, something that was challenging for her, and is encouraged to show appreciation to others in the group.

Is it any wonder men and women have so many challenges in their relationships as adults?

I know, there is no black and white. It's unfair to say all men are x and all women are y. But when asked if nurture or nature influences our behavior, I can now honestly say that I feel nurture must play a significant role.