tragic culinary accident

ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!!!

Last night I made some corn-on-the-cob. I love corn-on-the-cob and probably eat it three or four times a week. I still have a little post-it note with the microwave recipe I got from my mother on the phone, which is amazing in and of itself.

See, my mom was a funny lady. My mom was a bit of a late adaptor. My sister gave her a big, fancy microwave for Christmas one year and it took my mom almost a year to find a cabinet for it and take it out of the box. And then it just sat there for another year or so, never being used. My mom kept reading the directions and an entire microwave cookbook, trying to memorize everything! I finally suggested she pick one recipe out and try that. Once she'd mastered that, I suggested she pick something else. I think she started with a cup of instant coffee.

Next thing you know, she was nuking everything and the conventional oven sat dormant on the other side of the kitchen.

I remember one time I almost burned down the house with the microwave. It was 1988 and I was living at home for the summer, working at a local theatre. The production was a HUGE historical musical drama about the life of Mark Twain (he married a woman from my hometown, lived there for 20 years, and was buried there). I worked crazy-long hours and would frequently go out with the cast after the show, drinking beer and shooting pool until the bars closed down at 2:00am. Of course, I'd be starving when I got home, so I'd nuke a microwave dinner before going to bed at 3:00am.

So, one night I'm nuking my dinner (6 minutes if I recall), sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper, and apparently I fell asleep. Unfortunately, I programmed the microwave for 60 minutes instead of 6 minutes and the dinner caught on fire, the microwave melted on the inside, and it set off the smoke alarms in the kitchen. My poor father woke up and was furious with me -- I had ruined their beautiful microwave.

So, last night, I nuke my corn-on-the-cob and when I lift the Saran Wrap off the glass dish, steam instantly burns my entire thumb. I've never had a burn like this. I ran it under cold water for at least 30 minutes and it wouldn't cool down and stop burning. I couldn't sleep it hurt so bad. No blisters yet, but it's still kinda hot to the touch and completely red/purple and I can't really feel anything in it.